15 Months Old

Walking around BYU campus

In honor of surviving this far, I thought I would write what it’s like to be Hugh at fifteen months old.

Ethan and I wake up at 6:30am and Hugh sleeps in until around 7:40am. He sleeps on our bed, which is low to the ground, and gets up when he wakes. We’re in the kitchen making breakfast and hear a slight rustle and the pitter patter of little feet as they cross the floor to join us.

Hugh likes to help us make breakfast – watching us prepare and mix the food. Our breakfast is usually spinach and eggs or oatmeal.  Right before eating, we try to make a “big deal” about saying a prayer, but Hugh usually ignores us and starts eating. He eats way more food and makes a smaller mess when he sits on my lap.

Ethan leaves for work and Hugh is a little sad. We are unsure if he’s sad because he doesn’t want Ethan to leave or because he really likes to go outside. I get Hugh ready for the day. It takes awhile to get him dressed, he really likes to run away from me. Hugh is getting so big that I have to go through multiple outfits before finding pieces that fit. We brush his teeth and his hair (he likes to do this himself).

Once this is done, we wash the dishes. I bring a chair for Hugh to stand on so he can be next to me and we get to work. Hugh likes to hold on to a spatula so he can mix water around. I turn on an audiobook (I’m listening to the Book of Mormon). Once the dishes are done, we make the bed. Hugh pulls the blanket off and jumps on the pillows once I’ve fluffed them.

I’ve been reading about minimalism and we are trying to eliminate items we don’t really need or use. I try to organize one small area of the house every day. This isn’t that hard because our house is actually a small apartment (I found a really great PDF that has a checklist for minimalism, it’s from nourishingminimalism.com). Hugh is reeeeally good at helping me pull out all the items. I put the items I want to keep back and go to put the “give aways” in my stack for the thrift store. When I come back, Hugh has taken everything out again and even moved on to other areas. I put them back and Hugh moves them again. This is repeated four more times.

We decide to change scenes. We go to the kitchen to color and write for about twenty minutes. We then go practice piano. Hugh basically bangs on the keyboard and nods his head to the beat of the demo songs and I laugh at how cute he is and daydream. When he is done he leaves the music room and explores the house to play by himself, and I read a book.

It’s midmorning and we decide to go for a walk with one of my friends. Getting Hugh ready for a walk isn’t so bad because he really likes his Ninja Turtle socks (gift from my brother) and his new shoes. We walk around the neighborhood for about an hour. Hugh falls asleep in the jogger. Hugh wakes up just as I’m walking up the third floor to our apartment. I shuffle to get the key out of my pocket, set Hugh on the couch and run down to the first floor to get our stroller and bring it up to our apartment.

We have a snack and I put Hugh into his high chair (which really needs to be cleaned). Hugh really likes cheese. He nods his head and swings his legs as he’s eating. When Hugh is happy, he plays this game where he squints his eyes and blinks, and I blink back and then he smiles. I do this over and over again while he laughs and then I laugh because he’s so funny.

Sometime in the afternoon, Ethan comes home. Hugh yells and runs over to Ethan to give him a hug and it’s basically one of the cutest things ever. We talk about our mornings and make lunch. After lunch I nurse Hugh for his nap and his eyes roll back as he starts falling asleep. This used to creep me out (especially if just his whites would show) but now it’s just normal and endearing.

When Hugh wakes up we run errands, play with blocks, and read books. Since it’s sunny outside we go on a walk to check our mail. Hugh likes to crunch the snow with his feet. We play outside awhile and then decide to head back in. Hugh throws a really awesome temper tantrum that involves growling. Like I said, he really likes walking on the snow and the cessation of that makes him very angry.

Ethan shows Hugh how he writes music while I create an outline for the class I’m teaching. Ethan leaves for school around 3:30pm. Hugh and I read some more books and cuddle and play and cry (Hugh mostly does the crying). We get dinner ready and are really happy when Ethan gets home around 8:00pm. We eat dinner, Hugh plays around while we just sit on the couch watching him like creepers (he is so cute, we can’t not watch him). We clean the house a bit and Hugh helps me vacuum and sweep. He likes to take the vacuum attachments and sword fight with Ethan. We then start Hugh’s bedtime routine: bath (if needed), brush teeth, story time, family scriptures and then bed.

So, that’s Hugh’s day. This doesn’t happen every day: sometimes we spend most of the day crying/nursing/watching tv/going on field trips, etc. I really enjoy Hugh. He’s funny and creative and so kind.

P.S. Anyone have any suggestions for veggie toddler food? Hugh really likes food with protein (beans, cheese, chicken) but isn’t super into veggies.

 

What Is… | Closing of the Bones

Part of my postpartum doula services includes a Closing of the Bones ceremony.

Closing of the Bones is a ritual that originated in South and Central America. There are also many variations of it found in Asian countries. It’s a way of honoring the path of a mother’s journey. The belief is that after the woman has given birth, she is open: both emotionally and physically. The intent of Closing of the Bones is to envelope the mother in assurance and respect of where she has gone and who she is.

This can be done with your partner, sisters, mother, or any individual in your community that you think would help bring healing and hope. It can be done six weeks, six months, and even six years postpartum. There are some women who have benefited from this ceremony 25 years postpartum. The purpose is to bring community, gratitude, health, and healing to the mother – which is always a wonderful thing.

It’s truly a beautiful ceremony. I count it as an honor to help bring the mother back into herself and guide her through the healing process. Since my ancestry is Latin American, I feel incredibly connected to this way of honoring the mother. It is a deeply spiritual experience. It’s beautiful because there isn’t one way of practicing it; the movement and words are tailored to fit the individual mother’s needs and comfort.

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Testimonials:

T.G.

“Sofie’s postpartum doula work is fantastic. I felt very cared for, appreciated, and respected. Her methods are very calming and soothing. It extremely helped my postpartum depression, and made me feel more comfortable in my postpartum body. Her Closing of the Bones ceremony for me was my favorite. Like a wonderful, and much deserved spa day! LOVE Sofie and will definitely go back with my future births.”

S.G

“Sofie’s postpartum care for my wife was wonderful for the both of us. Her Closing of the Bones ceremony really helped me articulate to my wife just how much I love and appreciate the sacrifices she made for our daughter and family.”

Common but Not the Norm pt 1

I want to talk about something serious: postpartum depression. Depression is the most common complication of childbirth, affecting a vast array of women. Postpartum depression can last for as little as 1 day or as many as 3 years.

I used to think that I would never experience depression. I thought it was a made up thing that when people had bad days, they would chalk it up to “depression”. That was until I got pregnant and experienced depression. This was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of my life, but I felt guilty… for no reason. Because of this guilt, I didn’t want to share my pregnancy experiences with others, I didn’t even want anyone to know.

My prenatal depression provided me an opportunity to prepare and find solutions for when I might experience postpartum depression. These are some things that I set up because I knew they would help me after giving birth. These little solutions are still helping me today, 5 months after giving birth.

I set up a breastfeeding area. I had heard from some friends that “the demons really come at the dark hours when you are all alone, feeding your baby.” This area had 4 key pieces:

1. Plants: I have a plant resting on an end table that’s across from me as I sit and nurse. My mother-in-law was kind enough to give me this gift at 38 weeks, and I am so grateful she did that.

2. Art: I have a picture of my mom, dad, and me when I was little. I also have a print called “She Will Find What Is Lost” by Brian Kershisnik. This image really brings me peace because I can imagine that I am that woman and I have angels blessing me. I also have an elephant Ethan carved for me for our first Valentine’s. These images bring positive memories and help me feel uplifted.

3. Nutrition: I’ve noticed that my appetite affects my mood. I have a nice green water bottle. The color reminds me to take a drink! I also really like having small chewable snacks; e.g. cheese, fruit, and muffins. I have found, through trial and error (mostly error), that preparing these snacks beforehand saves yourself a lot of trouble.

4. Books: I set up my rocking chair next to our book case. Having it there is super handy because I can grab books, like Black Beauty. I really like having a small chapter book to read out loud. This soothes Hugh but also helps me feel less alone. I like reading because it is more distracting than going on Instagram or Pinterest. I just feel better about reading than using social media (I still do a boatload of that, trust me).

I’ve chosen the title “Common but Not the Norm” because that’s what postpartum depression is. It’s a common experience but it isn’t, nor should it be, classified as “normal”. If something is classified as normal, it is often pushed away or seen as unpreventable. “Normal” tells people that the problem doesn’t need to be solved. Postpartum depression is not “normal” – it’s “common”. You aren’t alone if you look at your baby and aren’t overcome with extreme joy. You are not alone. There are measures you can take that help, and having a safe and beautiful space is one of them.

I am going to be posting some more ideas about postpartum care to make a small series. 

What do/did you have in your feeding environment that helps/helped lift your mood?

Open to Motherhood

Peeing on a stick, your belly growing round, kicking, pushing a baby out, gazing into your baby’s eyes, feeding for the first time, then your baby has a cold and starts teething. That’s when you realize that it’s all you. You aren’t handing over this kid in 1.5 hours and sleeping in your own bed with $20 in your hand. This kid is yours and you are in charge 100%.

Part of motherhood is being vulnerable. It’s being open to having a baby with a hacking cough and having one yourself. It’s being open to changing diapers a million times a day and having your boob being attacked all through the night. It’s having a four foot (or longer) line of dishes that need to be washed, in addition to a five foot tall laundry pile needing to be folded (or even washed).

I definitely thought I’d be able to be done with postpartum healing by now. I don’t know how or why I thought that this would happen, but that’s what I thought and hoped. I imagined myself running 4 miles every day by January and it’s currently a struggle even walking.

Last Friday in school I burst into tears in front of my classmates. I could not stop. It was not cute crying. I realized that I am still holding some trauma from my tearing and stitch job (not because the midwife’s abilities were inadequate, but because of the energy of visitors).

Ethan and I have been discussing where we want to go with our future. Should Ethan stay on track for graduating next April, stay and work on a minor till the next December, or take a job that will increase our financial stability but force him to slow down on school even more.

Trying to find time to connect with Ethan while Hugh is teething and sick, trying to get all my school assignments done (and done well), keeping the house clean, trying to maintain relationships with siblings, staying on top of church responsibilities, etc. Then I realize that this isn’t even the hardest of hard lives and I feel like a wimp. I feel emotionally and physically raw right now. It’s hard to embrace. Being vulnerable can sometimes mean being frustrated, annoyed, overwhelmed, stressed, depressed, anxious, tired, lonely, angry, or negative.

Last week I watched “The Power of Vulnerability” and the gentle words hit me hard. I realized that because I am allowing myself to be open to this life, to be open to motherhood and everything that accompanies it, I am letting myself accept joy.

Having Hugh here, right now. He’s amazing. I love watching him figure out how to grab his toes, learning how to hook his finger around his big toe, always learning. He learns about how the water feels when he splashes and how it feels to grab Ethan’s face. Each day he wakes up and learns as much as he can. He’s feasting on the world, stuffing himself with information. It’s so beautiful to watch and be a part of. I am so grateful that I am given this opportunity to witness this exploration.

Being a mother is being vulnerable. It’s opening yourself to moments where you want to cry and even throw things (pillows, not plates). It’s being open to seeing the raw pieces of yourself and your partner. Frustration, annoyance, boredom, exhaustion.

Being open to motherhood is being open to your baby as you carry him in your heart, figuring out ways to make the best decisions for him and the future. It’s being open to love, forgiveness, gentleness, creativity, and joy. We can only understand the joy when we feel sorrow.

By opening ourselves to motherhood, we are opening up to joy. All the pieces of motherhood create a complete puzzle of happiness.